Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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