My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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