so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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