the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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