exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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