who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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