Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
