K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
