best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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