her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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