Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
