the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You don't make any sense
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