not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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