before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
