WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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