Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
