It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
