dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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