I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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