I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
