Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
