Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
