the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Randomize
