why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
