He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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