This is not my ceiling
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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