life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You're a waste of cheezeits
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
