Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The uberlube is also flammable
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
