I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
