party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Fuck appropriateness.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
