i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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