I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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