the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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