he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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