the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
