Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
50% drunk capacity currently
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
