So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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