can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
