I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The best revenge is premature balding
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
