remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize