areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15