I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed