I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it