: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol