i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?