Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.