he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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