Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
