I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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