what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
