I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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