carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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