Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
