If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood