Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success