Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.