I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?