New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.