Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.