My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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