be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You took a bar mat shot.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
