Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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