I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize