just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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