I wish my penis had an off switch
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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