Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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