he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
