i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
