6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
