she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
