Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
