M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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