Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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