too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
