im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
