My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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