I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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