If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
