I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
