Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
