Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
