I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
