I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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