Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
